Roses out of ruin
by PersephoneQ
Summary: Dean is blinded and makes the best of it, with the help of Sam, Cas, and Bobby. AU. Starts somewhere inside of S5E3. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter one** (somewhere in the middle of 5.3)

* * *

When Sam went to get Dean from the hospital, he was surprised to find Dean the calmest out of the two of them. Immediately after hearing the words "Dean" and "hospital" from Bobby over the phone, he had a panic attack that nearly sent him into seizers, quit his job at the bar (earning him bewildered looks from both his boss and his coworkers, particularly the blonde waitress), and drove all the way to Bobby's (a fourteen hour drive) in half a day without stopping. Bobby had informed him on the way to Mistress, Arizona (Sam almost laughed at the irony) about what happened.

"Dean was lookin' into a case down on Penelope Grove. Didn't see much in it; actually called me two or three weeks ago to tell me he was packin' up and headin' back. I waited up but he didn't come by that night or the night after, and wasn't answering his darn phone. Didn't hear a peep out of him 'til yesterday. When I answered Deans phone, a nurse with a voice like a helium balloon was trying to soothingly tell me my boy was-is-in surgery to find out what he needs surgery on! Idjits!"

Sam nodded and tried not to freak out. It wasn't working very well. They arrived at the hospital Dean was staying at four hours earlier than was legally possible.

When they got there, Dean was still in surgery and the doctor was too busy smoking outside and making out with the nurse to speak with them for the first hour or two. By the time anyone finally got the time to talk to them, Dean was already three hours out of surgery. The doctor came up to them nervously, fiddling with his thumbs and sending them stressed little smiles every five seconds. In Sams mind, this all added up to one conclusion; bad news was on its way. Sam was halfway tempted to scoff or roll his eyes. _Why am I not surprised?,_he thought as he followed the shorter mans (he was about Dean height, maybe a bit taller) movements like a hawk.

The man shakily lit a cigarette before reaching a hand out to the two men. "Hello, my names Dr. Paige and I'm Deans doctor. Are you Sam and Bobby Winchester?"

Bobby and Sam looked at each other with raised eyebrows. The brothers rarely ever gave anyone their real names, Dean even less. Why would he let a doctor, practically Dean's worst enemy, in? Bobby gave him a look that said, "ask later, boy", then they stood up and nodded.

Paige turned on his heels, made a waving, "follow me" type gesture, and walked down the maze of hallways. As the two jogged to catch up with the fast walking and talking man (well, Bobby jogged. Sam had no problem walking, what with his body being three-fourths legs and all), Paige waved his hands and talked about Dean and his condition.

"Dean is kind of well-known around here-the hospital that is. Quite the character, isn't he? I've never seen an unconscious man woe a girl until now...", he shook his head with a chuckle and Sam couldn't help but follow. "Anyway, the surgery went okay. His only major injuries were a few broken ribs, some stitches, and a head injury that bled enough buckets. The only thing I'm concerned about is, well...Maybe you should see for yourself."

Before Sam could ask any questions, Paige turned a corner and walked into a room on the right with the speed and stealth of a ninja. He crouched a bit and stepped with care, making sure to not make a sound. Bobby opened his mouth to ask what the hell was going on, but Paige turned around and put a finger to his lips. The man on the hospital bed, who was sitting up but turned away from his visitors, laughed.

"You're gonna have to try harder than that to sneak up on me, Jamie."

Paige stood up straight and pouted. "Aw c'mon, man! What gave me up, the sound of my cells moving?"

The man shook his head with a chuckle, his jaw length blonde hair swishing slightly. "Naw, dude, it's the cigs. Brandy Rigs*; I could smell that brand anywhere. My dad used to smoke it."

Sam immediately straightened up. John hadn't smoked often but when he had, he'd smoked Brandy Rigs. "Dean?"

The man turned around to face the three men and Sam almost cried. Dean had grown his hair out and refrained from putting gel in it, so it looked much like it had when he'd been young; long in the back, almost curling into the collar of his blue hospital gown, but short in the front. The lack of gel made his bangs go flat and almost cover his eyebrows and reach his eyes in their length. It made him look immensely younger and smaller. Then again, he was smaller. He seemed half starved, and his gown was noticeably big on him. He did indeed have stitches on his arms and Sam was sure more we're hidden under the gown and the blankets.

But what shocked Sam the most were Dean's eyes. Or, more precisely, the lack of them. In place of the big, sparkly green eyes that usually held residence there was a long string of gauze, wrapped around thrice and big patches poked out from under them in the places where his eyes were. None of this stopped the blood that sunk through it from his eyes.

Sam gasped and heard more than he saw Bobby do the same, then rush of and hug what he'd come to think of as his son. Sam quickly made himself calm down and drug Dr. Paige outside by his arm for answers.

"Is he...-"

"Blind? Yes."

Sam felt his heart sink. "I-is it permanent?"

Paige was silent a bit before answering, looking somewhere past Sam's left shoulder. "He doesn't...have eyes anymore. We asked him if he wanted glass placements or something-hell, I offered to pay for them-but he refused. I asked him if he'd like me to look around for a donor for them, but he told me not to bother. Said he deserved it.", Paige said, worried and obviously curious as to what Dean had meant, but not asking.

Sam finally broke down, running his hand through his hair and crying silently. "Oh god, Dean..."

Paige awkwardly patted him in the shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Sam nodded and wiped the tears away before nodding again and walking back inside, Paige following soon after with new bandages and patches for Dean.

When they came back in, Dean was sobbing softly as he clung tight to Bobby who was trying his hardest not to as he comforted his son. He wasn't succeeding. When the door opened, Dean immediately jumped a bit and let Bobby go, scrubbing at his face and scratching a bit at his bandages.

"Hey Jamie, ever heard of knocking?"

Paige rolls his eyes. "Whatever, Dean and-did you pick at your eyes again?"

Dean blushed a bit and attempted to look cute and innocent. He got the cute down but innocent-not so much. "...Nooo, why do you ask?"

Paige groaned and stomped over to Deans bed like a moody child, unwrapping Deans gauze with harsh care. "Dean, dude, I swear to God if you scratch and pick your way through another pair of patches and gauze, I'm going to buy you those big, black eye patches with crossbones on them and you'll be stuck with those."

Dean snorted. "Oh yes, I'm terrified now! I'd have to look like a sexy pirate all the time and deal with hundreds of girls swooning over me! What a terrible punishment!"

Paige laughed and finished with the gauze, the patches staying on only with the aid of a few small strips of duct tape. "Dude, what the hell kind of pirate wears two eye patches?", he then turns to Sam and Bobby, who had taken up the two seats next to Deans bed. "This is probably gonna be pretty...shocking. You, uh, you can wait outside until I'm done, if you want."

Sam and Bobby stayed where they sat and Paige nodded before slowly taking the patches off.

Bobby had to bite down on his lip to stop himself from gasping and crying out for his surrogate son and Sam had to run to the trash can and throw up. Where Deans beautiful, sarcastic, happy, and sad green eyes used to be we're two holes; big, black, and bleeding. They were deep and inside were a series of smoothed off cords where his eye were torn out. The work inside was oddly neat though, and most of the muscle and cords were cut out and smoothed. This made it obvious; Dean hadn't lost his eyes in an accident. It was through torture.

Dean frowned at the sounds of throwing up and turned to where the trash can was, batting away Dr. Paige's hands. "Bobby? Are you okay?"

Sam stood up and almost shook him head, then he remembered Dean couldn't see anymore and threw up some more. When he was finished, he said, "Yeah, Dean, I'm fine."

Deans frown disappeared and was replaced by a smile and a waving of hands. "Sam? Sammy? Oh God, Sammy, I thought you were still in Where-ever-the-hell!"

Sam noticed the hand reaching out for him and promptly swooped over and down to give his older brother a hug, which Dean held for longer than he ever had, even longer than after Hell.

"Well Bobby told me about what happened and I came here as fast I could! I missed you, man," Sam whispered the last part.

Dean shoved his face into Sam's shoulder and Sam tried not to flinch at the feeling of the holes and the blood soaking into his shirt. "Me too, Sammy, me too."

After a minute, Paige coughed awkwardly. "Well, while all this is fun and heartwarming, I kind of have a hospital to run and this idiot needs to have his sockets washed and disinfected, then he needs new bandages before the sockets dry and get agitated so he doesn't itch them again."

Dean pouted and stuck his tongue out at Paige. "I'm not an idiot!"

Bobby scoffed. "Yes ya are, idjit. Now stop squirmin' an' let the man do his work!"

Dean huffed and attempted to stay still, holding Sam's hand and squeezing it when Paige washed and disinfected the eye socket.

"Alrighty, looks like I'm done here! You guys can stay as long as you want, ask if you want another bed in here to sleep on if you stay the night.", Sam and Bobby nodded without taking their eyes off Dean. Paige rolled his eyes and instead focused his attention on Dean and pointed at him. "And you, mister, are going to eat and sleep and call me if you're in pain. No picking at your bandages or scratching your eyes, no refusing pills, no flirting with the nurses, and no stressing! If I hear you're being difficult about anything, I'll have Nurse Hern on bandage duty from now on, got me sexy?"

Dean shot him a smile like the Sun. "I'm glad you think I'm sexy."

Paige rolled his eyes with a fond smile and left with a cloud of smoke and a lazy wave.  
Deans smile stayed even when the door banged shut. He turned to Bobby and Sam's general direction with a cheeky smirk. "Man, I love that guy!"

Sam laughed. "I thought you hated doctors?"

Dean waved a hand and almost his himself in the face. "Nah, just the stuffy ones."

The two rolled their eyes fondly then realized that Dean wouldn't know, so they laughed lightly instead.

Sam decided to get straight to business. "Dean what are you gonna do? How are you gonna hunt if you can't see?"

Deans smile faded and he was left with a blank expression. "I dunno. Wing it, I guess. I heard blind guys have wicked hearing.", he turned to them with a smirk at the last part.

Sam glared a bit. "Dean, I'm serious. What are we gonna do? Do you want to stop hunting? Can we stop hunting?"

Dean thought about it. "We could. But I'm not. Hunting is my life and without it...I don't know. I don't think I could do it, not anymore."

Sam let go of Deans hand, leaning back in his chair tiredly. "So you just want to trust your hearing during hunts from now on?", Bobby asked, sounding incredulous.

Dean nodded.

"No", Sam and Bobby said simultaneously.

Dean bit his lip and a tear ran down his face from under the bandages. "Please...I-I need this."

The moment the tear slipped out, Sam knew it was a done deal. He would say yes. Bobby would too, of course, because Bobby couldn't bear for his boys to be in pain, mentally or physically. But Deans word froze them down to the blood in their veins. Whether he meant he couldn't live without hunting or whether he used hunting as an outlet for stress or anger or sadness...Sam had no clue. And that scared him. Sam has always known Dean best, from his thoughts and feelings to physical health. And suddenly not knowing Dean now, when Dean needed him most, frightened him more than any vision or monster ever could.

"...Okay. Okay Dean, we'll go ahead and hunt. Just...try to relax now, okay?"

Dean nodded and reached up to wipe away the tears, but Sam did it for him. Sam let this hand on his brothers face, stroking his cheek and feeling the soft skin of his face. He let his fingers drift up to Deans hair, feeling the soft strands between his fingers. Dean seemed to relax under his touch and a minute later, he was fast asleep. A nurse came in with food for all three of them, but Sam refrained from waking up his brother to eat. After all, he would need his sleep if he planned to live his life like this. The hunting life was a hard one at it's best. It was impossible at it's worst, and Dean was approaching the worst. Sam didn't worry for Dean, though, because if anyone could push through the worst like it was a lazy cold, it was Dean. He could beat this.

Sam kissed Deans forehead as he turned and whimpered in his sleep and felt his resolve slip a bit. _God, let him beat this._

* * *

*I made that cigarette brand up. If it really exists, I think I should get a bit of the profits, though.


	2. Dependant

**Chapter two**

* * *

Dean was fussy the entire two weeks he stayed at the hospital. He picked at his bandages, he refused to eat his food (mostly because there was never any meat to be found in it), hid his pills, flirted mercilessly with the nurses (all except Nurse Hern, who was load and clumsy and male), and had trouble sleeping. The sleeping problem was a big one which was eventually resolved in the form of Ambien before bed.

This unfortunately built up on another problem of Deans; depression and dealing. Dean acted happy and funny and flirt in front of people, but when he was alone, he just looked in the direction of the window and cried. Sometimes he would throw things or punch his legs or the bedside table in anger, but it never helped. Afterwards, he would always notice Sam's presence, hear his footsteps or smell his cologne, and would smile and pretend nothing happened. Sam didn't talk about it and neither did Dean, so this left either Dr. Paige or Bobby, and Dean would just get embarrassed and angry when Bobby mentioned it. Dr. Paige tried to talk about Dean's depression as well, but Dean would always smile and laugh and blow it off, like it was some big joke.

So, when the three were talking outside about when they should release Dean and saw him and Castiel talking, they nearly dropped their coffee. Cas sat at the end of Deans bed, playing with the ends of his covers as he talked softly to Dean, who looked on the line between crying and yelling at Cas.

"Wha-How the-Security!", Dr. Paige yelled down the hall, looking confused and protectively angry at the same time. He stopped yelling when Sam put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head.

"Do you know that guy?"

Bobby scratched his head from under his hat. "Yep. 's been a while since y've seen him last, though, huh Sam?"

Sam nodded. "They're not fighting though...you wanna listen in?"

Bobby snorted. "And have Dean beat me over the head for it when you get caught? No thank you."

Dr. Paige agreed with Bobby, walking off with an excuse that a patient had paged him. Sam rolled his eyes, muttering "jerks" under his breath as he crouched down and put his ear to the door.

Dean slammed his hand on his bed, making it rattle and wobble uncertainly. "It's not right, Cas. Even the demon said it was wrong. No one should be that happy in a place so horrible!"

Cas put his hand on Deans leg, ignoring his jump. "Dean, being happy isn't a crime. It's a blessing. Where and through what circumstances doesn't matter."

"But why?", Dean hissed, tears spilling down his cheeks.

Cas was silent a minute, a thoughtful look on his face before he reached up and grabbed Deans hand. He didn't let go, not when Dean tried to jerk away and not when he squeezed it so hard, bones broke. "Hell is different for everyone. Your Hell is not being able to protect those you love. To be broken and dependent on others. Alastair did this through pain, both that that you received and that that you gave, and he made you dependent on it; made you want it. You gave in, and if that made you happy...I won't care. And neither will they. ...You need to tell them, Dean."

Dean shook his head. "No, it's not important. No one needs to know but me. And you, I guess."

Cas smiled a little. "I won't make you tell them or tell them myself, but I urge you to confide in them. They may be able to help you deal with this more than I."

Dean nodded and was quiet a bit before whispering, "Was he right, though? Am I really that desperate?"

"You have been through a lot, Dean, more than most people. It's broken you, changed you, maybe for the better, maybe not. All I know is that you can't become anything without moving forward. And if you need to hold someone's hand to do that, we would all be happy to help. All you have to do is let us."

Sam held his breath as Dean thought this over. Finally, in a shaky voice, he whispered, "I-is it even possible? To fix...this. Me?"

Cas didn't hesitate. "Only if you try to fix it, too."

Dean sat there, staring a place a bit above Cas, then he took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. It's scary, but...okay."

Cas smiled and squeezed Deans hand and squeezed back and smiled, letting the tears fall without shame in the open air. Cas reached out and wiped them away and Dean only leaned into it.

Cas didn't leave for several minutes and Sam decided to come in anyway, Bobby joining them not a minute later. The moment they stepped into the room, Dean smiled and reached a hand out.

"Sammy!"

"Hey Dean."

Dean seemed nervous for a second, then waved his hand at Sam. "H-hey Sam, could you...could you c'mere?"

Sam nodded and drug his chair over to the other side of Deans bed. "Sure, Dean, whatcha ya need?"

Dean smiled and reached toward Sam, waving his hand around until he found him and brought his hand up until he reached Sam's hair. He ran his fingers through Sam's hair, smiling lightly as he did.

"I really missed you, Sammy. It drove me crazy not to have you around all the time, not to know or be able to know where you were or what you were doing...So, is it...okay if I ask you to never leave me again. Ever?"

Sam laughed a little, but tears rolled down his cheeks as his brother talked. He was relieved, he realized, because for the first time, they were really talking. He would finally getting to meet and see the real Dean and he wasn't disappointed at all.

"Sure Dean, I was thinking the same thing."

Dean sighed and laughed at the same time and it was a magical sound to Sam. "Thank God, I'm not the only mangirl here!"

Everyone laughed (even Cas, though it was quiet and unsure), but Sam listened especially to Deans'. His was different than it usually was. It wasn't tight or hard pressed at all, wasn't rough or loud. It was light and soft and reminded his slightly of Jess; of home and the true happiness it and its people had brought Sam back when that still existed for him. It made Sam believe that maybe, just maybe there was hope. Dean could be fixed, could be happy, and Sam had a small wavering hope that maybe that would make him happy, too.

Dean stayed quiet for a bit, but brought his hand from Sam's hair to his hand, holding it tight, like a lifeline. "Don't let go", Cas mouthed to Sam and he nodded, almost insulted that he had to be told that.

"Hey Bobby, could you tell me a story? I don't care about what, I just...need to hear you, to know that you're really there. Please?"

Bobby nodded and started to tell him about his wife, then moved on to stories about hunts he'd gone on with Rufus and Ellen and even John, and was telling tales about Sam and Dean when they'd been young when Dean fell asleep.

Cas waited until he was completely unconscious before standing up and turning to the others. "I have to leave. I will be back when he awakes."

He was about to blast off, but Sam stops him with a shout. "Wait, Cas! Do you really think we can do it? Do you think we can fix him?"

Cas doesn't look at Sam, instead walking up to the top of the bed and running his hands through Deans long hair. Dean mumbled and leaned into the Cas's hand, turning towards his in his sleep to get closer. Cas smiles and looks up at Sam. "I think that's his choice. We're just here to help him make it."

And with that, he disappeared.

* * *

(A/N): I regret nothing. That's all I have to say. Read, Review, Ride a Pony; just let me know whatcha think, m'kay?


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